Planning A Successful Christmas: ENDING FAMILY FEUDS
When the family gets together things don’t always go smoothly. It is so easy to anticipate problems and behave in a way which is likely to do the very opposite of what you ideally want.
During a recent session with a client, he shared how he was dreading the family get together at Christmas because of his Sister-In-Law. There had been a great family bust up earlier in the year when his Sister-In-Law had said lots of nasty things on Facebook about his wife, and their marriage.
The wider family had got involved, sides had been taken and there had been a really strained atmosphere at a recent family birthday party.
When we started the conversation my client was adamant that he wasn’t going to talk to her or his brother in law. He was angry at the unfairness of her remarks. He felt that he had “right” on his side and that he wouldn’t soften until she apologised.
When I asked how likely that was going to be the answer was “When hell freezes over.”
When two sides become entrenched on being “right” it is difficult to see how there could be a way out of things. Someone has to play the grown up.
If you are in similar circumstances it is worth thinking about things differently.
It is so easy to become entrenched in being “right” that you lose sight of anything else. Often when families become estranged the original issue is long forgotten. Things could be very different if someone was prepared to offer a way out. When you corner anyone they are likely to be aggressive. It is finding a way out which takes someone prepared to do things differently.
In such a situation it is worth asking yourself these questions.
- What am I gaining by holding on to being right?
- What am I losing by holding on to being right?
- What message am I giving my children – how does this line of action act as a role model for them in the future?
- What was behind the behaviour of the other person? When people are being very critical it is likely that they are doing it to make them feel better about themselves.
- At the end of my life when I look back, is this worth being upset or loosing contact with my family over?
- How might I move this forward positively?
Make this Christmas the time you decide to change things for the better!