patterns of thinking brigh tideas lightbulb moment.jpg

I watched a great video the other day; it was the very, in my humble opinion, wise Tad Hargraves who runs a fabulous marketing company called “Marketing For Hippies” (do check out his extremely useful website and social media feeds).

He was talking about how many times he feels his clients “casting spells” upon themselves. It’s a great phrase isn’t it!

He goes on to explain what he means – that the quality of the language they are using to describe their lives and their businesses, is poor. They use “finality” statements, such as “I can’t do this” or “I don’t have” and therefore they create beliefs that fulfil their “spell”.

I see this so many times too in the clients that I work with!

Language is such a powerful tool in the work we all have to do to create a happy, successful and fulfilled life. Watching Tad reminded me of what I spoke about on episode 4 of my TV Show.

You can sign-up for free to watch the whole TV Show series here, but this is an excerpt of the script I used to describe how I encourage my clients to think about what they say; what words they put out into the world and therefore what realities they manifest for themselves.

(Oh, and don’t forget to check out Tad’s stuff too, he’s a very interesting person with lots to say about marketing, and also about being an authentic person)

Learn the Power of Language:

Discover the power of language – a hand grenade or dove of peace, a destroyer of self-belief or a creator of confidence and how you can harness its positive power in your own life 

Whatever you’re saying to yourself right now; stop it! Discover a simple technique to maximise the potential of the language you use and feel greater confidence and fulfilment. 

Stop whining! Stop complaining! 

Seriously, just listen to yourself! Discover how to swap the negative impact of the language you use and feel empowered, confident and truly fulfilled 

Imagine how it would be if you could avoid feeling terrible when other people criticise you needlessly, or if you could feel confident to speak to others in even the trickiest situation or if you could stop that nagging voice in your head.

Today I'm going to share with you an insight, into how the way you use language, can transform your life and that of those around you.

Your language carries with it enormous power. Language can have an entirely positive effect or be incredibly destructive. Never more so than in the words we use about and to ourselves.

Learning to harness the power of language will give you the positive edge professionally and has the potential to deepen and enhance your personal relationships, including the relationship you have with yourself.

We have already spoken about habitual thinking and the impact this has on everyday life. The patterns of language also follow habitual patterns and herein lies the challenge. Most people are entirely unaware of the patterns of language they use.   

Here are some really common patterns

1) Negative language

It’s important to understand our unconscious mind wants to please –

When we say how difficult things are, our brain looks for all the difficulties

When we talk about how exhausted we are or how a situation is killing us –our brain goes into survival mode – we feel even more exhausted or anxious

2)  Qualifying language - Dumbing yourself down ‘Quite good’ “not bad’ ‘I’m ok’ 

Making light of your achievements – not to appear boastful or arrogant

Getting in first before others

– sense of control (even if negative)

-ensuring low expectations

Be aware that it is not just about words, the tone of voice has a great impact  

3) Sense of ownership

Language intensifies sense of ownership – great when its positive – owning our achievements, talents and positive attributes

Use of words ‘I’ ‘My’

Destructive – my depression, my illness, my panic, attacks

Creating a sense of distance can be hugely helpful

Paul – significant depression – downgraded language

From ‘my depression is killing me’, ‘I feel dreadful’, ‘Its hopeless to I’m not at my best today’, ‘Feel rather low’ and completing the sentence with ‘but it’s getting easier or better’ or ‘I’m working on feeling great’

Lots of other strategies along side

Fiona – Panic attacks – Drew cartoon character - It’s just Burt 

-     Panic attacks grew less powerful and less frequent

-     Again – just one of the strategies – important one

-     Personal e.g. – mornings. I feel terrible / I ‘m feeling better by the minute

Helpful to shift from present tense to past tense:

‘I’m not good at – I used to think I was no good at …. But I’m working on it and things are improving’

4) Rejecting complements – Oh this old thing – I just threw it on

-     Poor self-worth, not deserving, sense of shame

5) Dealing with the harsh words of others

How quickly do you react to the criticism of others?

Do you bite back

Get upset


It is here that habitual patterns of behaviour can be most destructive

Person A – says something which triggers old stuff in person B

(Often the tone of voice rather than the words themselves)

Person B – retorts habitually and triggers Person A

So, the dance begins – a deteriorating spiral

Really common in partnerships and families

Often the trigger – has nothing to do with the present situation

Can be like lancing a boil – all the poison spews out

There’s more to listen to on the recorded episode – you can find it, and all the other episodes for free, sign-up to see them here at my website, just click on the “TV Shows” link.

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