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The loss of someone you love is always very difficult but out of bereavement comes a golden opportunity to examine your priorities and to re-evaluate the way things are done.

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I do hope that 2019 has got off to a flying start! Are you one of those who decided not to make any New Years Resolutions so you didn’t have the pressure of failing to keep them? Did you decide over Christmas that 2019 was going to be the year when you created a great work – life balance? What have you done to change things? Is it working?

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Most of us use the New Year as a time to take stock of our lives. The break over Christmas gives us a bit of breathing space between the turkey, mince pies and the round of jollity. Many of us make promises that we convince ourselves we’ll try to keep this time. Those more cynical simply recognize that we will fail, so make the resolution not to make a resolution.

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There are many different theories about what motivates us. In NLP terms (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) the universal drivers are pain and pleasure. Some people will be motivated by pleasure – they will be drawn towards those things which give them a sense of pleasure and satisfaction. Others will be driven by avoiding pain.

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The relationship we have with ourselves is based on a number of things, our genetic makeup and hormonal and chemical balance – (nature), how we are bought up – (nurture) and on our interpretation of all our experiences both positive and negative, throughout our lives.

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Our interpretation of the world is based on the set of beliefs we have about ourselves and our relationship with the world. If we believe we are lucky, we are much more likely to actually be lucky.

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Before we start to consider why it is important to focus on your perceptions lets clarify what I mean by perception. Through out our waking hours we take in millions of pieces of information. We take in information through all our senses. What we see, hear, feel, smell and taste.

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You cannot change the past.  What you can do is make sure it doesn’t spoil your present and your future.

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Pure love is very simple. You love the person for who they are – right now, whatever they are doing or not doing. In its simplest terms, you love them and give your love unconditionally. Many of us believe that is what we do, yet, the reality is, we love them, but we want something in return, this is called horse trading. A classic example of this is how we give our attention to others.

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We all play games. No I’m not talking about football, cards or tiddlywinks. I’m talking about the games we play with ourselves and others. The "I’m not going to listen to what you have to say - even if it makes perfect sense, because if I do it will mean that you are right and I’m wrong" game

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